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How Much Effort?

February 6, 2012

Here is a quiz to start your Monday morning!


How much effort do you give …

  • Your job?
  • Your children?
  • Your home?
  • Your spouse?

I give 100% to my job (sometimes more, I think). I’d like to say I give 100% to my children, but perhaps it is 90% some days. I’m sure I give 85% to my home on good days—and if you’ve ever dropped by unexpectedly you may think that percentage is way too high! My husband? A-hem, well, that percentage would be lower than I’d like to admit.


Wives, do your husbands receive the last tiny bit of your time and effort every day? Do your jobs, children, homes, friends, and other activities come before your husbands?


Husbands, do you feel that you get the leftovers? Do you feel your wives give of themselves to everyone and everything else but you?


I’ll be the first to admit—I give and work and write and cook and clean and read and bathe and sing bedtime lullabies … and by the end of the night, I am all worn out, depleted, and exhausted as my husband looks at me, asking “Is it my turn yet?”


You want to know my first response (whether I actually say it or just think it in my head)? “Really? Do you have any idea how much I’ve done today? I’m tired!”


Not very loving, is it? Or godly. Or honoring. Or submissive. I know, I know, I know. A lot of times my priorities are out of order. They should be:

  1. God
  2. Spouse
  3. Family

It’s easy to become unbalanced, priorities out of order, on a never-ending roller coaster. It’s much harder to become balanced, get priorities in proper order, and stop the roller coaster of life.


How do you give your spouse 100 percent? Sometimes it’s enough to make an effort to spend time with your spouse even when you’re tired. Or to tell your children: “No, Mommy and Daddy are going to talk for 10 minutes first.” Or to plan dinner out with only your spouse. Or to let the laundry sit in the basket while you and your spouse watch your favorite TV show together.


I may not know exactly how to get life balanced and priorities properly ordered. But I do know that more women, wives, and moms struggle with this issue than would like to admit. So let’s create an open forum, an honest discussion, and encouraging conversation for one another.


Wives … how can we accomplish all that we need to do every day and still have the energy for the loves of our lives? How can we be sure to give God top priority with our husbands as close second?


Husbands … what do you need most from your wives? How can you be the support your wives need to accomplish everything while ensuring priorities are in order?


“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:4)

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Ashley Kerth permalink
    February 6, 2012 9:31 am

    So true, Christi. It seems I put so many things before (including some so unimportant I am embarrassed) I think about my time with my husband. Thank you for bringing this to my attention today. Sometimes we all need a reminder to reset our priority list. You will probably need to remind me again tomorrow! 🙂

  2. bethkvogt permalink
    February 6, 2012 9:51 am

    The answer to this question isn’t necessarily one big sweeping change — at least not for me. It’s more like incremental changes. One example: Getting up from my desk when my husband arrives home — to indicate he is more important than my (at home) job.

    • February 6, 2012 10:46 am

      Beth, you are totally right…small changes make big impacts. I am really at fault for not getting off my computer to greet my husband. Bad habit! I keep thinking, “one more minute,” but that minute turns into hours.

  3. February 7, 2012 8:40 pm

    About a year ago, my husband and I made Thursday night our night of reconnection. We did not turn on the TV, we just simply talked. I cannot take credit. This was his suggestion and it was hard for my Type A self to just sit around doing …. well, nothing. But it wasn’t nothing … it was everything! In only a few weeks, I saw the impact this one evening focusing solely on each other was having on our relationships. We have had some of the best conversations of our 14 year marriage during this reconnection time. It requires very little effort, but the impact is huge.

    Thank you so much for bringing this critical topic to the forefront. Your honesty is refreshing and allows us all to step up to the plate and look at how we can improve.


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